Teamwork in Autism Co-parenting: What Truly Matters
Today’s blog post is from fellow co-parenting autism mom Emily Wade. We hope her story inspires you on your autism journey.
Co-parenting is never an easy feat. Add in an autism diagnosis, and the challenges can feel overwhelming. Between therapy appointments, doctor visits, and crafting the perfect routine, it takes serious teamwork to maintain stability and consistency across two homes.
Our family dynamic includes different parenting styles, various levels of routine, communication breakdowns, and of course, emotional stress—both for us as parents and for our kiddo. Each household has had different expectations over the years. Some routines and rules have stayed strong; others have fallen away with time. Some days, our differences in parenting style complement each other and work beautifully. Other days, it feels like we’re constantly butting heads.
And yet, despite the challenges, we have a lot of wins.
Our son has four parents who love him and choose him daily. We work together to make sure he has the resources he needs, and we adapt when life—and autism—throws us curveballs. Even when we don’t see eye to eye, we always return to one shared priority: our son. We hold discussions to figure out what’s best for him, research strategies for routines, and keep a shared calendar to track appointments, school events, and weekend plans.
One of our biggest wins has been designing a custody schedule that works for him. Our son struggles with being away from any parent for too long, so we adjusted our schedule accordingly. After school, one parent picks him up and has him until dinner or about 30 minutes before bedtime routines begin. Then, he transitions to the other home for the night. On weekends, we alternate days—one parent gets Saturdays, the other Sundays—and we stay flexible to swap or cover full weekends when needed.
Communication hasn't always been easy. With multiple adults involved in raising one child, important information can fall through the cracks. To fix that, we created a group chat specifically for topics related to our son: his routines, appointments, medication updates, and anything else that affects him. It keeps everyone in the loop and helps avoid miscommunication.
We've also implemented visual schedules in both homes for daily routines, as well as shared rules, expectations, and consequences. This gives our son clear structure no matter where he is, and ensures consistency between households. If one of us finds a strategy that works well—or doesn’t—we share it. No one should feel like they’re failing, especially when we’re all learning as we go.
Parenting is hard. Co-parenting adds a layer of complexity. That’s why every adult in our circle is in therapy—to make sure we’re taking care of ourselves so we can show up for our son. We also model self-care for him and teach him how to get through difficult moments. We encourage other autism parents to join support groups; even if you feel like you’re barely holding it together, your experience might help someone else.
One of our most important principles is celebrating every win. We use a rewards app to track his progress and give him a say in what he earns. Small victories matter. Took his meds without a fuss? That’s points and a high five. Great day at school? That’s a special dinner. The little wins add up—and they deserve recognition just as much as the big ones.
Co-parenting a child with autism isn’t easy, but when we see all our hard work come together, it makes every tough day worth it. Keep showing up. Keep communicating. Keep choosing love.
You’ve got this!